An assload of limericks

I asked my Facebook friends to like my status and I would write a limerick about them. This was three days ago, mind you. It was a ton of work, but a lot of fun. I think next time I'll offer Haiku. Here are some of the spoils. Enjoy.

A favorite friend of mine, Eugene,
Is often offensive and obscene.
His butt is way hairy, his chops are real scary,
And his farts are like kerosene.

A very good friend of mine, Missy,
Isn’t the slightest bit prissy.
She’s totally hardcore, for now and ever more,
So don’t ever call her a sissy.

My sister, Dawn, drives a school bus
But she never seems driven to cuss.
She must be a zen master, to avert such disaster,
With so little effort or fuss.

There once was a girl I called Gypsy
Who sometimes got a bit tipsy
When the rum had run out, she looked all about
And wondered how she got to Poughkeepsie.

Jamie is a lovely Hawaiian
To look at her, you know I ain’t lyin
When she’s not getting brown, she’s cleaning teeth around town
She’s got skills, there is no denyin

Sarah is a dancing machine
She glitters and she’s sparkling clean
She loves Concrete Blonde, and she’s married to Sean
And she’s typically low on protein

I love a lady named Nancy
She made me a coat, which I fancy
She’s a talented stitcher, and pretty as a picture
She’s patient and seldom is antsy.

There once was a girl we called Stumpy,
And she was anything but frumpy
We got drunk in a trailer, and I thought I could nail her.
But when I tried, she said I was lumpy.

My friend lived in Saint Francis
But she yearned for some late night dances.
So she moved to the city, and they thought she was pretty.
In her convertible, she's averting their glances.

Rachel is a clown-loving mama
With dimples that chase away drama
She’s short, but not stout, and she won’t ever pout
Because she’s just like the Dalai lama

Steph is a training volcano?
With skills as quick as a tornado?
She reads lots of books? The kind for Kindle, not Nooks?
And she should cook me up some alfredo?

There once was a girl named Danae
And one day she just went away.
She escaped to some college, to get her some knowledge.
And she’ll be saving the world someday.

Tammy has a beautiful heart
She has tolerance down to an art.
She’s crafty and giving, and I’m glad she’s still living
Cause I her awesome goes off the chart.

A wonderful poet is Kate Kysar,
Words flow from her like a geyser
She keeps giving me books, and sometimes funny looks,
She’s a great mentor, friend, and adviser!

I really love my sweet Mama-V
Cat-loving, patchouli, and hippie is she
Though she lives far away, she’s in my heart anyway
And that’s how a Mama should be.

Rachel is one damn beautiful mamasita
She can’t be a cougar, so I guess she’s a cheetah
She’s married to Mike, who I also really like
She’s my sista from another senorita.